courageous nomad

~ random life thoughts from an adrenaline junkie photographer nomad ~ ©photographie du rêveur ~ all photographs are my own ~ please credit any photos used

failure to thrive

Does this strike a chord?

People would rather run to a device to “chat” with the masses of faceless individuals than suffer intimacy.  What has happened to humanity?  Touch seems to be a dying art.  God forbid you have an intimate conversation with someone where there is eye contact.  Do you remember the last time that happened without a device being within reach?

Unless we are held as infants, we fail to thrive.  The child does not develop or grow as it should.     

Perhaps this is the demise of our species.  How many of you are in marriages where there hasn’t been sex for years?  Companionship is not a fulfilled relationship.  We as humans require touch.  I, for one, am a tactile freak.  I live my life through my fingertips.  As I type, I feel the coolness of the keys as my fingers dance over the keyboard.  As I shop, I caress the fabric first before purchasing, confident my skin will welcome it’s coziness.  As I travel, I gather sand from every beach I’ve walked on, for each grain is finer than the next.  My fingers lead the way.  If one watches a child in a store, they have their hands outstretched, wanting to touch everything they can reach.  They want to use that sense to satisfy their curiosity; to complete the picture in their brain of what it is.  Isn’t touching another person fulfilling your desire to know more?  And a much better option than “Googling” it?

How could a piece of technology meant to bring us closer create such a gap, a void between us?  As a species, we have a failure to thrive.  Perhaps this is why there is so much misery, war, rage, poverty and crime.  Our days go by with no kiss good morning.  The hand went un-held.  Not even one smile from a passerby.  Children throw temper tantrums because they want attention.  Have you noticed how calm they become once they get it?  Or how a mama’s magical kisses can “cure” a boo-boo?

Reach out for that hand.  Embrace that person in a warm hug, not a pathetic pat on the back.  Look people in the eye during a conversation.  Have sex (and try not to jump out of bed as soon as it’s over!).  Kiss someone on the forehead and take a deep breath when you do it; you can smell their essence.  Give your partner a foot rub at the end of the long day.  You’ll notice a common thread amongst all these ideas, besides the physical aspect ~ they cost nothing, however rich in reward.

Here’s the thing about physical touch ~ both people benefit.

I’ve always said the world would be a happier place if more people were having good sex more often.


Featured post

Changing Perception

Shutting down the world has forced us into an instaspective time.  For me, the quiet has brought about some deep-seated demons.  Having an insatiable curiosity, I believe in exploring why something has surfaced and how can I finally slay this monster.  

On days when I have work to do around the house, I’ll put on an inspirational video to listen to.  Brené Brown and Chase Jarvis being two of my favorites.  I happened upon a mind-blowing interview with a neurobiologist, Dr. Andrew Huberman.  Basically, he talks about brain performance.

Two days ago, I was blindsided by my relationship ending abruptly.  He stated numerous issues he had with me, stating how incompatible we were.  I normally don’t sit still for long, so this imposed sabbatical from travel resulted in a relationship for me.  It was lovely whilst it lasted, but he wasn’t the healthiest of individuals.  Granted, I just mentioned how I have plenty of demons.  And full accountability, I walked into this with eyes wide open knowing his addictions and struggles. 

Remarkably, I haven’t spent the past two days crying.  There were tears, but the sadness isn’t there.  Which leads me to question, “Why not?”

Over the course of my life, I’ve suffered like most, many traumatic events.  There has been plenty of abuse at the hands of men.  I have worthiness issues.  Bullied and made fun of constantly.  However, I have also done a tremendous amount of healing work.  I always crave a need to be better.  

On this healing journey, I have learned to cope, be gentle with that wounded inner child, grow stronger and make better choices.  This has been a healing journey of mind, body and spirit, truly.

Educating myself on how the traumas affected my body, I had to make adjustments to my diet to heal those wounds, not just my mind.

It truly is remarkable that people will criticize your efforts to rehabilitate your life.

The relationship ended because having a “special diet” falls under being difficult.  Making environmentally-conscious choices indicates a demanding personality.  Suggesting less toxic alternatives makes me controlling.  

I surmise this is why I don’t feel sad.

I choose to do better when I am able.  For example, not burning plastic at a campground in the wilderness shows my heart to be caring toward the critters in the woods and conscious of my health, too.  

People often ask about my workout regime.  How do I stay fit?  They’ll ask about my diet.  They’ll even ask about my skin.  I’m far from having figured it all out, but if I found something that works, I love sharing.  With that sharing, I include how hard it is at times.  What I wouldn’t do for a fresh baked baguette with butter or a Haagën-Daaz milkshake or a slice off a New York cart!  My body would be very mad at me if I indulged in any of those things, so I find alternatives.  I don’t stay in shape for my job; I stay in shape because it makes me feel good.  And if my skin looks good, I’m sure it’s a direct result of diet and exercise.  Probably the biggest key to my health is unless I am near dying, I don’t take pharmaceuticals.

To bring this back around to the interview I was listening to with Dr. Huberman, he speaks to how stimulating certain parts of your brain can lead to success on even the tiniest scale.  Many of these drugs people are consuming are to numb that part of the brain.

Because of the traumas of my past, I have battled depression at times.  I’ve always chosen pain over the numbness — even when I am injured doing a stunt.  If I feel pain, I know what the limits are, how hard I can push.

Perhaps in these times, I feel most alive and that is a feeling I will always run to, not from.  

Dr. Huberman also discusses being action-oriented.  He says behaviors are the way you shift your perception and the rest will follow.  Celebrate the small moments as you climb that mountain.  Change your internal resources which in turn will change the external.    

So, moving forward shifts my perception.

People are brought into your life for a reason.  If they choose to leave your life, it’s okay.  They’re no longer part of your story.  I am grateful for the experience and certainly the lessons I’ve learned.  Most importantly, I’ve stayed true to my heart.

I shall celebrate this small moment.

{Dr. Andrew Huberman video}

my job is me

Trying to explain to people where I’m at in my life at this moment is quite challenging.

I’m no longer responsible for anyone – – no husband, no partner, no children, no house, no huge responsibilities tugging on me.  I rent a space to live in.  I paid off the student/parent loans.  I own expensive* toys and I live a fulfilled life.
{*I say this not to be pretentious but to make a point that I have earned nice things through hard work.}

I’m digging deep into my emotional life to make sure that it doesn’t manifest itself into some sort of disease or ailment.  I’ve purged a lot of negative out of my life, mostly people.  I consistently try to stay in a positive mindset.  Taking control of my life.  Accountability > huge my book.  “Braving the Wilderness”, literally.

Along the way, I encourage any attempt at inspiration / growth in as many people as I can whether they be close friends or strangers.  Is there anything more rewarding than mentoring someone?  To be trusted to advise is the ultimate compliment.

I keep my body strong through a high level of exercise, adventure, and yard work (!).  I shall always be adept and at the ready to explore the world at a moment’s notice.  Being a pack mule carrying more luggage than I should when I travel, keeps those muscles in shape.

My eyes never stop seeing the beauty of the world.  Rarely am I without some sort of photographic device in preparation to capture said beauty in which I may share my view.  Pure, unadulterated joy found here.

Because my job is me doesn’t mean that I’m self-absorbed.  On the contrary, I believe in myself enough to care for this vessel ~ to keep it strong and healthy ~ mentally and physically.

Not having what society calls “a regular job” is difficult for people to understand.  Their judgement is harsh, especially from the men I date.  Not sure if I can equate it to jealousy or the fact they think I am a slacker but nothing could be farther from the truth.  I am always working.

Why must I explain this to people?  When I do, the explanation seems so . . . lame.  They never seem to quite understand and the disapproval behind their eyes crushes my spirit.  “I’m not good enough.”  

The reality is I am my job.  In order to be employed by anyone, I must be clear-minded and able-bodied to be the best employee possible.  It matters little how often I work, because as I stated, I am always working:  training, seeking, hustling, meditating, traveling, expanding, writing, shooting, editing, phone calls/emails/social media connecting, feeding my body, feeding my mind, feeding my soul.  It’s all work that takes commitment, tenacity and a solid belief in yourself.

Let them judge.

My job is me.


Chester Bennington.  Chris Cornell.  Robin Williams.  People who at first glance “had it all”.  Money, fame, beautiful families, material possessions of which the world was full of envy ~ everything . . . or so it seemed.

So why did they choose to end their life?

Because of this.

Being a human is hard.

Even when your life is full of everything you think you want, there is always something missing.  Without that thing (or things) sometimes life seems unbearable.  How do we not understand when this happens?  Don’t we all experience these feelings?  Most are well-equipped to pull out of the pit of despair but some are beaten down to the point of exhaustion and literally no longer have the strength.

But why didn’t they turn to someone for help?

This is the part that makes the gamut of emotions run rampant through me like a toddler’s temper tantrum.  Really?  Please.  Social media fills it’s pages with the pleading requests to reach out if you are in trouble, in an effort to make themselves feel better.  The truth is, they wouldn’t be there for you.  With lives are full of heartache, they are desperately attempting to navigate without revealing their own secret of pain.  Those on the verge of suicide are usually adults ~ not your children whom you have the power to tell what to do.  If this person is on a path of destruction, are you truly able to stop that raging out-of-control train?  And would you know how?
Inside the tortured mind, thoughts of then burdening their loved ones (who are already familiar with the nightmare), or their friends (who have already picked them up time and time again), once more is too much to bear.

The pain becomes debilitating.  Even though, there is so much to live for in the bystanders eyes, sometimes all they are searching for is relief.  Not to leave everyone behind.  Not to be selfish.  Not to make you think you should of or could of done something.

Just one moment where the pain didn’t hurt so damn much.

sometimes solutions aren't so simple
sometimes goodbye's the only way, 
and the shadow of the day
will embrace the world in gray
and the sun will set for you     ~ linkin park


in a man’s eyes, what’s too soon?

Years have gone into my not-so-scientific study of what is a man’s time frame.  I ask it just like that, “What’s your time frame?”  The perplexed look encourages me to go on.  “How long is appropriate before you sleep with a girl?”  Without fail, (here’s the scientific part) every man has his idea.  The conversation will continue on and reach crass heights but the gist is this:  What is acceptable in your mind that will keep the respectability of the girl intact?

As a woman, we are tortured (truly, tortured) with this concept.  Somehow, what we feel is insignificant.  God forbid, we want the intimate experience as much as the man does, but that would make us a bad girl.  So the game is played out.  Our desires tug at the possibility until the religious upbringing angel enters and pulls back.  In the meantime, the smells, the touches, the longing of our potential partners eyes & bodies tempt and taunt.  Surrender is near . . . but then reason (??) chimes in.  “He will lose respect for me.  He’ll never call me again.”

How is that two weeks or two months can make a difference?  How is it that in [fill in acceptable time frame] the girl proceeds to do crazy kinky things to you and then somehow because time elapsed, she’s acceptable to take home to Mom?  Who decided this rule?  Where do men come up with this rationale (if that’s what you would call it?)?

After all, isn’t it us as women, the ones who surrender?  We allow a man to be inside us?  How have men made it so they have the power, when the opposite is actually true?

Perhaps we as women can adapt a new way of thinking.  Perhaps, we just wanted sex because we are animals just like men with strong desires.  Antiquated thinking merely provides negative stressful thoughts instead of living in the moment, knowing that life is fragile and we may not get another opportunity in two weeks, two months or . . . ever.

not a bad girl.


lessons from loss

Life hands us tragic losses, which cause us to sulk in our grief questioning why.

Why so young?  Why the good ones?  Why when all they wanted to do was LIVE bigger than life?  Why would such a bright future be extinguished?

Is it all in vain if we learn nothing from it?

Can we learn to be better people, to emulate the good one that just passed?  Can we realize how petty or cruel we just were?  Can we make an effort to be kinder?  Can we accept how blessed we were to be friends with this exceptional being and strive to make more lasting friendships?  Can we live a quality life, knowing that life is fragile and fleeting?  Can we forgive our differences and be more accepting of all our flaws?  Can we risk loving with our whole heart, when it is breaking so?

The pain will never go away, just subside a bit over time.  We shall never forget > always remember.  Honor the spirit, the grand life, the new angel by speaking of them.  We humans have a remarkable gift of remembering the good.  Relish that, for it shall keep them alive in your heart.

So go live a positive life.  Make them proud.  Carry on for them, for we were granted more time. * live in the present moment * seek out opportunities * trust your intuition * be honest with yourself * give back to others * ask for help * don’t wait for someday * find something to believe in * be grateful * play hard * always keep learning * listen * celebrate the little things * create positive rituals * avoid complaining * go explore * expect good things * inspire yourself & others * stop making excuses * love, love, love
dedicated to trevor, john & nick

growth . . .

do trees feel pain when they grow?

why does it hurt to grow?

even though you are well aware you’ve manifested this growth, why isn’t it less painful?

"You've got a big heart
 The way you see the world
 It got you this far
 You might have some bruises
 And a few of scars
 But you know you're gonna be okay

And even though you're scared
 You're stronger than you know."  

~ lindsey stirling
the largest oak in Maine

Oversized Barn Photo by dailyn matthews — National Geographic Your Shot

Throughout my childhood, I dreamt of driving across the country shooting barns! And now in my adulthood, I do. Somewhere in Montana, this beauty exists in all it’s enormous grandeur.

Source: Oversized Barn Photo by dailyn matthews — National Geographic Your Shot

a votre santé

Why does health seem to take a backseat to everything else in our lives, when in order to accomplish most of the priorities we are so adamantly pursuing, it is vitally important?

Almost daily I make a mental note of this and vow to make a change.

Then I begin to stress about all the nagging issues in my life.

neglect sleep and exercise.  Food decisions are made along these lines:  A salad sounds way less appealing than that box of chocolate.  And now that I’ve eaten the comforting food, there’s no way I feel like attacking that new training regime.

How will I ever get rid of these dark circles????

Our mental health is an integral part of this puzzle; one that must be factored in.  After all, what’s making all these bad decisions?  Our brain ~ the organ that needs good food, fresh air, sleep and exercise in order to perform at an optimal range.

We go to the gym to work our muscles.  We go to the spa to pamper our skin.  We go to the beach to breathe fresh air into our lungs.  We go to the market to buy organic food to feed our organs.  We go to sleep to refuel our the vessel.  And we go to the computer to stimulate our brain?  No wonder it’s starving for attention.

I believe it’s fine time to redesign a faulty equation.

My new life contract shall be the following:

  1.  Upon waking, eat a protein-rich breakfast — followed by healthy choices the rest of the day.  Always drink more water!
  2.  Train / exercise / move my body at a level most would find extreme.
  3.  Work on something toward advancing your career / livelihood.
  4.  Read something more interesting than Facebook posts or online dating profiles.
  5.  Write something inspiring.
  6.  Challenge your right brain with a creative endeavor.
  7.  Go to bed at a reasonable hour in order to get quality sleep.
  8.  If a remark is said about anyone or anything, make sure it is positive and uplifting.
  9.  Spend less money.
  10.  Pay attention to the small things and be filled with gratitude every morning and every night.

Always a work in progress, I find putting pen to paper and literally writing down my goals makes me accountable.  Bringing focus to the task at hand, I am less likely to be distracted by pretty, shiny things (my phone, my computer, an oiled-up hunk on a new Ducati . . . damn, “Squirrel!” . . . what was I saying?).

What’s your current life contract look like?  Does it need to be redesigned?

High time you got to it.



*Now for the visual part of our program . . .

engineering marvels . . .
nature’s beauty . . .
stunning art . . .
books for brain stimulation . . .
words . . .
stories . . .
and good food.


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